Jun 06 2009
The Recession Wars: Beach Bum vs. City Bum
Reporter: This is Chastity, reporting for Bum T.V. We are on the scene of a protesting Beach Bum who is angry with the recession. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself sir?
Beach Bum: Beach Bum here…. I suppose I should begin with giving you a little information about myself. Well, if my name didn’t give it away, I am a bum that lives on the beach. I have an old hammock that I stole a few years back. I can’t tell you who I stole it from though. Not because I don’t want them to know but because I was a little drunk and don’t really remember. Someone could have gave it to me too, I suppose, I don’t really know. How did I become a bum? Well, I come from a long line of bums. You could say it runs in my family. My grandfather was one, his father was one, and I am one. My own father decided to sell sea shell necklaces, which he ended up making a fortune. Sadly he discarded his bum status. Until recently, a typical day involved asking for donations, fishing, and lying in the sun. However, I now have these city bums who’ve made their way into my territory. Damn economy. I chose to be a bum, but these city bums come down here looking for warm weather, escaping their harsh winters. If only those bureaucrats had kept the economy running smoothly, then there would be less bums.
(City Bum walks up, grabbing the camera.)
City Bum: Shut up, slacker. I’m sorry I had a good job. You don’t own this beach, and who cares if you’re a natural born beach bum. I am taking this beach and turning it upside down. Hopefully in time I’ll be able to come up with some business venture like your father and make my way back to the top. I don’t want to be a bum, I just had a bad hand dealt to me.
Beach Bum: What does that mean? You lost in a card game?
City Bum: No idiot, it means….. just forget it.(shaking head)
Beach Bum: See what I mean. These city bums are crazy and way too stressed out. They just don’t know how to live.
City Bum: Or you’re just a fool.
Beach Bum: Look man, I’m not the one who destroyed the economy. As a matter of fact I have nothing to do with the economy. Why don’t you blame someone else for your problems.
(City Bum stares at Beach Bum angrily for a second and then punches Beach Bum in the face.)
